Turning 60

Rather than bemoan the fact that I only posted five times last year, I'll just start writing and posting. Besides, my son, Josh, has inspired me with two posts already this year. 

So, back to the blogosphere. 

The day after my birthday I sat on a high-top stool with my journal open to a blank page on the long counter in front of me. I like this window spot at the Starbucks on Mass Ave. I love my local Calvin Fletcher Coffee shop, but when I'm in the mood to be alone–not run into people I know–I'll drive the short distance of just over a mile to Mass Ave. At my window seat I can daydream, people watch, and reflect on life all at the same time. 

So this day I wrote "Turning 60" at the top of the page. Now that I'm reading back over it, my journal entry sounds a bit like Solomon when he wrote Ecclesiastes. 

My entry went like this: 

The Psalmist is right. The years are fleeting. Life is fleeting. The years come and go so quickly. The generations march on and on. The only lasting thing is God. He is from the beginning. He is the beginning. The Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end. He is my only certainty. 

Through my 60 years this is what I have learned:

• Believing in God matters - He is Creator, Sustainer of life itself.

• Choosing to follow Jesus makes sense–He is my salvation–past, present, and future.

• The counsel of His Spirit has led me step by step. He is my sanctification and transformer.

• Even though God is with me, there are no guarantees in life. 

• Because we live in a world that is glorious and broken all at the same time.

• For the most part, in spite of our original sin, people are good and loving. We are all made in God's image. Some of us are more broken than others. Some have taken God's good gifts, distorted and perverted them into a destructive force . . . 

• Because there is evil in the world, not created by God, but allowed by God, because he refused to make us robotic. Lovingly, he gave us bodies with a heart, mind, and soul. 

• I've learned that the heart, mind and soul of a person is what matters. What lives within our being is who we are.

• It is the heart, mind, and soul that dictates our will and behavior. Our desires and longings. Our ability to extend forgiveness. To bear with each other and our differences. 

• No wonder it is written, "In him we live and move and have our being."

• No wonder God encouraged the Israelites to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind." 

• For that is where He dwells if we let him–heart, soul, and mind. 

• If I've learned anything in 60 years . . . God loves me. He loves me. No matter what.

• He's not the same God I learned about as a young girl, nor the same God I chose to follow at the age of ten.

• But, I'm not the same girl who gave her heart to Jesus at ten. I've changed. 

• Not that God has changed because he's always the same "yesterday, today, and forever," but my image of him has changed as I've matured, experienced life, and grown in my understanding of the God that he is. 

• Yet, I still see him through the lens of my world, culture, and life.

• But, one day I shall see him. Face to face. Then I will truly and fully see him in all of his glory.

That's what I wrote in my journal that day. Just some big overall thoughts on my faith–solid, yet changing. 

Of course, there are other things I've learned. Perhaps this year I'll post reflections on people and events and moments that have made a difference in my life. Perhaps.  

Vulnerability - The Heart of Connection

About two years ago I came across the name, Brené Brown, on a friend's Facebook status. It was linked to a TED talk with a title that immediately piqued my curiosity - The Power of Vulnerability. 

I have listened to Brown's two TED talks numerous times (second talk: Listening to Shame). In her first TED talk she uses the term  "researcher storyteller" to describe herself, and if you take time to listen to her, you'll see why. 

She captures your attention quickly with the fascinating discoveries of her research, over a decade-long study on vulnerability, authenticity, courage and shame. With transparency and humor she tells how her findings sent her into a tailspin when coming to grips with vulnerability. Though she was out to prove that vulnerability wasn't a necessary element to life, she came to realize just how essential it is to life. "Vulnerability," defines Brown, "is emotional risk, exposure, and uncertainty." She discovered that "vulnerability is the most accurate measurement of courage - to be vulnerable, to let ourselves be seen, to be honest." 

Perhaps the reason I enjoy her talks so much is that she weaves her own story–what she describes as a "year-long street fight"–into the very topic of her research. "Courage," she shares, "is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart," and this is exactly what Brené does. No wonder her vulnerability talk has had over 19 million views. We all feel like we know her! 

There is something about vulnerability when it comes to sharing our stories. Without it, we assume perfection. Without it, we compare rather than relate. Without it, we sidestep the heart. Without it, we live with a false sense of reality. Brown explains that to be vulnerable is to say, "me too." It's the heart of connection. 

Just this morning I was sharing with my niece over FaceTime about the realities of life. Sometimes, she shared, after watching a fairy-tale-type movie, she reminds her 9-year-old daughter that "it's a movie." That life doesn't always turn out "happily-ever-after," that the fairy godmother doesn't always come to the rescue. Wise words for life. 

Life isn't perfect. I'm not perfect. My grade-school teachers reminded me of that often. There was a time when I think I believed I could arrange an ideal world, or maybe I hoped for that. I wanted to believe that life was certain, that there were guarantees. If I did this, that would happen. And, there is some truth to that. Our choices and decisions do affect how things turn out. But, not always. A dream world like that doesn't exist this side of the new heaven and new earth that God promises someday when everything is right with him. Only then. 

Life isn't perfect. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. And, that's why we need to be vulnerable with each other. Our vulnerability and authenticity, the courage to share our imperfections, our hurts and pains, our joys and sorrows connects us. We need to give ourselves permission to be imperfect, to give others the freedom to be imperfect.

It's risky, but it's worth it. Because when I say, "me, too," to your struggles, or I hear you say "me, too," when I've just opened up about my fears, then that's when we know we are loved and that we belong, in spite of an imperfect world. 

Story is the Word

Skyping across the world with one of our young-adult colleagues last month, the word came out of her mouth, just like that!

Story. Your word should be story! 

As she was telling me about her word for the year,  I told her I hadn't come up with one yet.

I'm calling 2015, The Year of the Book, I explained to her, incorporating a bit of my own story in the idea of the book. I've got that down, but not a word for the year. My colleague quickly interjected her aha! moment for my word and I immediately resonated with it.

So, story it will be. I love that I discovered my word in community!

Story makes sense for several reasons:

• I have a story. You have a story. Shared stories let others into the heart and soul of our lives–values, beliefs, passions, joys and heartaches. Life is connected from one season or stage to another, like a connect-the-dots puzzle when all the dots eventually make an image, something we can make sense of. So the dots tell the story of our lives.

• So many stories in the Bible. So much to learn. I've been reading Paul's letters with new interest this year, considering the context and the characters in the stories. William Barclay's commentary along side my Bible reading has brought new life to words I've read time and time again.

• And then my book. Stories and ideas to be shared so that others can relate, learn, and grow.

Story. Watching with anticipation to see how this word plays out in 2015. 

Have you chosen a word for 2015?