Fill Me For This Day

I was 19 years of age. I had finished a year of training as a Licensed Practical Nurse and was six months into a night-shift job at a county nursing home. Can't say it was the best of jobs, but it wasn't a bad first job as an LPN. Night shift called for hourly checks that included bed pans, administering medication, turning patients to avoid bed sores, addressing nightly needs, and the early morning ritual of getting patients set up for breakfast. 

Though I had graduated from LPN training, there were still State Board exams to take - a necessary requirement to receive license to practice as a nurse. Obviously the goal was to pass the first time, but if not, there was a second and third chance. Three strikes and you're out, which meant the year of training was for naught.

If you know my story, you have heard me share or read about my grade school experiences where my teachers gave me the labels of inadequate and incapable. You can imagine that day as I drove up to Harrisburg, PA for my exam; I was nervous. Would I pass? I remember the day I received the exam results in the mail. I opened the envelope with fear and trepidation. "Did Not Pass" were the words that brought immediate tears to my eyes. The labels mocked me again. Needless to say, I was humiliated (as I so often felt in the classroom). Informing the RN who managed our floor of my results was intimidating. I'm sure she was kind and gracious when she told me that I could no longer administer medication until they had knowledge that I had passed in the future.

It was a difficult time in my life. I went into isolation, not wanting to tell my friends the outcome. I was embarrassed. I didn't want to be around people. I felt like everyone was looking at me according to the labels placed on me. It was like "dumb" and "stupid" were written across my forehead.

But, it was also during this time that I found that people loved me. Period. My relationship with my friends didn't change because I hadn't passed an exam. If anything, they surrounded me with love, encouragement, and support. They built me up and encouraged me to go at it again. They believed in me.

In my despair I approached our pastor in my home church at that time. Rev. Strickler listened to me as I relayed words of worry, defeat, and fear. I have never forgotten what he told me that evening as we sat across from each other in a church pew. He told me that worry was not what God intended for me. That to worry is to not trust God. Worry produces panic and fear and anxiety, the opposite of God's peace. He encouraged me to memorize Philippians 4:6-7, which I did in the weeks ahead, and have never forgotten the words. 

Don't worry about anything. Instead, prayer about everything. Tell God your needs, and don't forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your heart quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus. 

Believe me, there have been many times in my life since then when these verses run though my head to overcome worry and anxiety.

The other suggestion my pastor shared was to pray this prayer every morning: Jesus, fill me with Your Spirit for this day. When Jesus fills me, lives in me, worry has to dissipate. The two can't dwell together. Worry evaporates in his peace. Fear vanishes in his presence. Panic is swallowed up by his belief in me.

Weeks later I took the exam for a second time. I anxiously awaited the day the results would come in the mail. When the envelope was in the mailbox, I went straight to my room to open it. My heart was pounding with an anxious curiosity. I saw the words PASSED! and cried, this time, for joy. I immediately called my best friend at the time.

I can't believe it! I passed! She celebrated with me over the phone. I knew you could do it!

Though it was a difficult time in my life, I will not forget the importance of community and the need we all have for encouragement and affirmation. I will never forget the words of my pastor who encouraged me to lean into the Lord for his peace, quietness, and strength. And, even today, it's been a good reminder to ask Jesus to fill me with his Spirit every day. 

Miles Turns Five!

The grandchildren are growing up! A quick weekend trip to Michigan to celebrate Miles was a joy. 

Like his Papa, he's a Star Wars fan, and so the theme of his party, with Joni's creative flair, was a Star Wars hit.

Miles picked out the refreshments. What do you think a 5-year-old would choose? 

Miles is a Legos engineer! 

And last, but not least, each of the kids received "lightsabers" with instructions "only to be used outdoors."
Needless to say, they were a real hit. 

Yosemite in Photos

Out of all the places that Dennis and I have been in the world, we would consider Yosemite one of the most beautiful. Yosemite is difficult to describe to anyone who has never been there. If that is true for you, I trust some photos of our visit will give you a glimpse of the natural beauty that Yosemite has been sharing for generations. 

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul alike. - John Muir

Half Dome on the left - Dennis and I hiked to the top beginning at lower Vernal falls on the right, passing the upper Nevada falls, hiking around the back side of Half Dome to ascend the east side. Round trip took 15 hours - 6am to 9pm - consisting of 20 miles of mostly strenuous hiking. 

Rock formations that reminded us of the castle ruins we see in Europe

Upper Yosemite Falls - this falls created a distant white noise when Curry Village camp quieted down for the night.

Half Dome view from the Valley floor

Almost to the base of Half Dome

Half Dome view showing the climbing side. This gives a good idea of the 45-degree grade. Sub-dome is the first slope where there are 500 feet of granite steps (of sorts), the second slope ascent can only be done by using cables.

Half Dome Zoom -  check out the row of people going up the cables to the top (on the left). Yes! It's freaky!!

Spring Flowers

Twin Bridges hike along the Tuolumne River

Bridal Veil Falls

Up on Glacier Point

Love the sound of flowing water!

Tuolumne Meadows

The Ponderosa Pine reminded me of a giraffe's skin. Up close, the bark looks like jigsaw pieces. 

Tenaya Lake

The rain and snow come down from the heavens 

and stay on the ground to water the earth. . .  

The mountains and hills will burst into song, 

and the trees of the field will clap their hands!

Isaiah 55:10-12

Top of the World - Yosemite's Half Dome

It kept running through my head as we made the steep climb up the granite steps of Half Dome. A lighthearted song seemed to calm my fears (somewhat). A hiker was navigating the tricky steps as he passed me on his way down. I heard him tell a fellow hiker that being on the top was like standing on top of the world. Immediately the brother-sister singing duo of the 70's came to mind - the Carpenters and their 1973 #1 single hit, Top of the World. Enough so, that when we reached the top exhausted from 8+ miles of hiking, we sat on a rock and I sang the chorus to Dennis.

I'm on the top of the world, looking down on creation, and the only explanation I can find, is the love that I found ever since you've been around, your love put me at the top of the world.

Barely able to get it out, and barely able to smile about it, we were at the top of Half Dome nonetheless – at least as high as I was ever going to climb – 8,800+ feet above sea level (5,000 feet from Yosemite Valley where we camped).

We started out from Curry Village (our camping spot) at 6:00 a.m., then on to the Happy Isles trail-head that took us along the Merced River to the bridge at lower Vernal Falls, connecting us to the Mist Trail. Each of us carried a small backpack filled with healthy snacks (well, except for the Rice Krispie squares), 4 L. of water, lunch, long sleeve dry-fits, gloves for the cable climb, suntan lotion, lip balm, trash bag (carry-in, carry-out), small bottle of bleach for water purification, and a bottle of Ibprophen and Tylenol.

Eight years ago Dennis went to the top for the first time along with Josh, Kari, Mike, Clint, and Julie. Unlike then, Yosemite now requires a permit for hiking to Half Dome (as of January 2012). We didn't make the first lottery (only 225 day-hiking permits and 75 to backpackers daily), but we did make the daily lottery (about 50 daily permits available with a 2-day advance notice due to cancellations or under-use) while in the park.

We took some short video clips (6 total) from top to bottom. Here's the first (where we have great enthusiasm and energy for the hike ahead). This was done mostly for our kids, but feel free to take the time to watch  our adventure (no more than 45 secs each).

With hiking poles in hand, we started our ascent to the steep granite staircase of 600+ steps along Vernal Falls (317 ft). We love our hiking poles. They save on the body - especially the back, knees, and feet. This year's snow fall for Yosemite was only 20% of the norm, so the falls weren't flowing as strong as usual, but still enough to get wet from the mist, and to take caution going up the steps along Vernal Falls.

In 2:15 we made it to the top of Nevada Falls - a 1.5 mile trek of steep, rocky switch-backs from Upper Vernal Falls. The Merced River rushes over 594 feet of granite cliff. There have been people who foolishly go across the protective railing to get closer to the water. Unfortunately, some have met their death by doing so. All it takes is one slip.

We were pretty stoked about our time at this point. Keeping up with four young 20-somethings from Europe gave us a little pride in our stamina.

As we began hiking the 4.4 miles up to Half Dome, we welcomed a break from the steep, rocky switchbacks to the flat, sandy portion of Little Yosemite Valley that follows the Merced River. But, it wasn't long before we began the never-ending and exhausting 2,800 feet climb to the top. Over five hours later we would reach the base of the Sub-dome. At this point, it's a 900-foot-climb to the top via tricky steps and the cables.

The 500 feet of sandy, gravel coated steps are either carved out of the rock or rocks that have been set in place to create a stairs. It was the steep angle - a 45-degree ascent - that concerned me. I could see why the insanity factor for the Half Dome hike is 9 out of 10. Half way up this steep climb (with nothing to grab if you were to fall), I was beginning to wonder if we were being the foolish ones! There's no whoops! on these steps. One slip down the steep granite surface and one is likely to get severely injured or worse. It was at this level I could have turned around right then and there to head back down the mountain. But, we had come so far. So close. I had to keep going.

Once at the top of the Sub-dome, it was time to encounter the cables. There's a bit of a flat surface in the rock at this point, so we sat on a large rock to take in some nourishment, considering that we might need the extra energy to get up the cables. There were people coming down the cables while others were going up. We pulled on our work gloves that would help our hands cling tightly to the cable, mustered up our courage, and began our vertical climb up the 400 feet, 45-degree slope, of smooth granite. 

It took all the upper body strength that I had to pull myself up the steel cable from one 2x4 plank to the next, each about 10 feet apart, or so. I can see why there have been fatalities on Half Dome at this point. Over 20 deaths since the cables made public access to the top in 1919. Really not too bad for almost 100 years. One wrong move, one slip of the foot, one moment of paralyzing fright could mean an uncontrollable slide to the bottom. So, step by step, plank by plank, pull by pull, we made it up to the point where navigating the rock was doable without the help of the cables.

Phew! Once on the top, the views were amazing. We only spent about a half hour on top since it was mid-afternoon and we still had to hike down to the valley before sunset. 

We did it! At the top.

It took us a little over 5 hours to make it back down by way of the John Muir trail, returning to the same spot we began, the lower Vernal Falls, just before dark.

Bodies aching and pure exhaustion setting in, we ordered a pizza from the Curry Village pizza shop. We sat in the food pavilion reliving the day and laughing at ourselves when referring to certain points on the trail. A bed never felt so good that night when we literally crawled in. 

I now consider it a sacrifice on Dennis' part to go up with me eight years later. Having done it, I would never go up again for anybody! :) The thrill of such an accomplishment is amazing, and the beauty of Yosemite is indescribable, but the hike up Half Dome at this stage in my life, I say . . . once and done! But, I will always remember that his love did take me to the top of the world!