Two Final Thoughts on Turning Sixty

Yesterday I was searching through the back pages of my journal where I keep notes, random thoughts, scribbles, stuff that I want to remember, etc. Each journal is truly an account of what happens in my life for however long the journal pages last. The inside back cover records the books I've read during that time frame. Seven in the past eight months, two of which I'm still in the middle of reading, but decided to record them anyway (since I hope to finish them before I place this journal on the book shelf). Though, I only have 11 pages left, and I'm known to journal up to 6 pages in one setting. But, not every day!

So, yesterday, I came across a page where I had written two final thoughts on "turning 60" on the back pages of my journal. I realized they never made it into my previous blog post. At the time, I ran out of writing space and flipped to another random blank page.

When I was creating the blog post, I thought it ended a bit abruptly, failing to remember that there was actually more. I had expressed in my reflections that God doesn't change, but my image of him does as I experience life and continue to grow in my understanding of him. Besides, my image of him is influenced by my world, culture, and life. . . until that day when I will see him face to face in all of his glory.

So, for the record, here are the two final thoughts.

• And yet, I hope (and like to believe) that even in all of his glory, he will take me in his arms, hold me like no other, his love penetrating through me–a new body, a new heart, mind, and soul. 

• Besides the fact that I am daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandma, friend, mentor, counselor, writer, pastor, what really matters is that I am his and he is mine. I am his beloved and that is the reason, my friends, that I live.

It is in him that I live and move and am! Here's to a new decade! 

Turning 60

Rather than bemoan the fact that I only posted five times last year, I'll just start writing and posting. Besides, my son, Josh, has inspired me with two posts already this year. 

So, back to the blogosphere. 

The day after my birthday I sat on a high-top stool with my journal open to a blank page on the long counter in front of me. I like this window spot at the Starbucks on Mass Ave. I love my local Calvin Fletcher Coffee shop, but when I'm in the mood to be alone–not run into people I know–I'll drive the short distance of just over a mile to Mass Ave. At my window seat I can daydream, people watch, and reflect on life all at the same time. 

So this day I wrote "Turning 60" at the top of the page. Now that I'm reading back over it, my journal entry sounds a bit like Solomon when he wrote Ecclesiastes. 

My entry went like this: 

The Psalmist is right. The years are fleeting. Life is fleeting. The years come and go so quickly. The generations march on and on. The only lasting thing is God. He is from the beginning. He is the beginning. The Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end. He is my only certainty. 

Through my 60 years this is what I have learned:

• Believing in God matters - He is Creator, Sustainer of life itself.

• Choosing to follow Jesus makes sense–He is my salvation–past, present, and future.

• The counsel of His Spirit has led me step by step. He is my sanctification and transformer.

• Even though God is with me, there are no guarantees in life. 

• Because we live in a world that is glorious and broken all at the same time.

• For the most part, in spite of our original sin, people are good and loving. We are all made in God's image. Some of us are more broken than others. Some have taken God's good gifts, distorted and perverted them into a destructive force . . . 

• Because there is evil in the world, not created by God, but allowed by God, because he refused to make us robotic. Lovingly, he gave us bodies with a heart, mind, and soul. 

• I've learned that the heart, mind and soul of a person is what matters. What lives within our being is who we are.

• It is the heart, mind, and soul that dictates our will and behavior. Our desires and longings. Our ability to extend forgiveness. To bear with each other and our differences. 

• No wonder it is written, "In him we live and move and have our being."

• No wonder God encouraged the Israelites to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind." 

• For that is where He dwells if we let him–heart, soul, and mind. 

• If I've learned anything in 60 years . . . God loves me. He loves me. No matter what.

• He's not the same God I learned about as a young girl, nor the same God I chose to follow at the age of ten.

• But, I'm not the same girl who gave her heart to Jesus at ten. I've changed. 

• Not that God has changed because he's always the same "yesterday, today, and forever," but my image of him has changed as I've matured, experienced life, and grown in my understanding of the God that he is. 

• Yet, I still see him through the lens of my world, culture, and life.

• But, one day I shall see him. Face to face. Then I will truly and fully see him in all of his glory.

That's what I wrote in my journal that day. Just some big overall thoughts on my faith–solid, yet changing. 

Of course, there are other things I've learned. Perhaps this year I'll post reflections on people and events and moments that have made a difference in my life. Perhaps.