One Word: Mid-Life Perspective (Round 2)

I've been going through the points from Keith Drury's recent Tuesday Column entitled "Happy 50th Birthday," a look at the decade of life we call the 50's. My last post focused on his first six points. Starting with #7 I'll continue with my thoughts as I ponder this word "perspective” - my word for the year - in light of his article.

7. "Last job." Keith throws out a valid assumption that in your 50's you're probably going to make a choice of sticking with the job you have or moving on to what will probably be your last job before retirement age hits. 

Except for a few part-time jobs in the mix of raising kids, I committed to being a stay-at-home mom. When I was raising our four children, along with my involvement in the work of the church, I knew myself well enough to know that I couldn't have managed a full-time job. My best play has been to come along side Dennis to support and encourage, and to be available to serve where my gifts and strengths fit best no matter where we are in life and ministry. But, who knows... maybe someday down the road my "last job" will be my "first job." As for Dennis... as I said before, going beyond local church ministry wasn't on our radar, but the early 50's definitely brought about change for us. Keith says it's rare for a person to take on new work in their 60's, though, he says it sometimes does happen.

8. Health scare. Health issues can begin to surface in the 50's. There are certainly no guarantees on life. We both try to live in a healthy way and have been blessed with good health thus far. In fact, Europe has been good to us health-wise. We walk a lot, eat less sweet stuff, and eat smaller portions. We ask one of our missionary friends here in Hungary if they gain weight when they go back to the states. Without much thought she responded: "As soon as we step off the plane." It's true!

9. Family changes. Keith sums it up like this. You enter the 50's with kids finally leaving home. You usually exit the 50's as a grandparent. 

Well, this certainly has been true of us - going on 5 grands at the half way mark (at least for me :). Moving overseas has changed family life, though even before we left Michigan, we were navigating what it looked like to be a long-distance family with our grown children living from east coast to west coast. Intentionality is key! Technology has definitely given us an advantage. We can Skype, phone, email, and facebook within minutes, if not seconds. But, no matter if the family is near or far, the family dynamics change in this stage of life. As Keith pointed out, everyone use to come home for Christmas, now we visit the kids for the holidays.

10. Faith. I'm going to quote Keith's remarks for this one rather than try to summarize.

You may settle some faith issue you took for granted in your 40’s 30’s and before. You may face some doubts you never entertained before. You might enter what James Fowler calls “conjunctive faith.” You might become more close-minded and more open-minded simultaneously.

I think in this new era of post-modernism and post-Christianity, Keith's statements especially ring true. I will only speak for myself here. I have asked more questions about my faith in this decade than ever before. The Christian beliefs that I have always held to, and perhaps at times took for granted, have been tested in this decade far beyond what I ever saw coming.  

I have another article by Keith in my files where he shares the pencil-pen-blood issues of our faith. (See Keith’s article on pencil-pen-blood here for further understanding into these thoughts.) Without going into much detail here, I can say that I have become more open-minded in those things that are pencil and pen, but even more solid in the blood issues of my faith. As a child I can remember quoting the Apostle’s Creed every Sunday morning in the church my family attended.  It had meaning to me then as I considered the words recited along with the rest of the congregation. And, those words have even more spiritual significance to me now that I am in my 50’s. Not many years ago I remember Dennis preaching on Thomas, the doubter. “Lean toward, not away from Jesus,” he encouraged those with faith questions.  It made sense because it’s the Spirit of God who “guides us into all truth.” So much more could be said here, but I leave it with that.  

11. Generativity. Dennis and I have talked about this as we entered this decade. We have observed “older” folks who become inwardly focused. Keith calls this inward focus “stagnation.” We observe others who keep giving of themselves. This is where Keith’s word “generativity” comes in, which is all about investing in the coming generations. This is where Dennis and I want to live and continue to live… life-long learners who are life-long investors.

Well, I guess Keith skipped the #9 and I didn't notice until I was listing this out on my blog. So eleven points to think about instead of twelve.

Since I'm a seasonal person, I thought maybe the word "perspective" would last me for three to four months. Then, my plan was to move on to another word. But I'm telling you, if I have many more things come my way that speak into my word "perspective," it's going to have to last the year.

It's going to take me a year to get the focus from "perspective" in full swing. You may be hearing about this word all year long!

One Word: Mid-Life Perspective

I'm beginning to wonder if this word of mine - perspective - has something to do with mid-life. Is mid-50's mid-life, or am I too late?

Today I read through Keith Drury's "Happy 50th Birthday" posted on his Tuesday Column.  I'm not sure what inspired him to write it. Perhaps now that he is past this decade he can give us 50-somethings a forewarning of what to expect. Or, maybe it was a thoughtful gift for someone's 50th birthday, and knowing Keith, he decided to pass it on to the rest of us. (Keith is professor of practical ministries at Indiana Wesleyan University. His Tuesday Column has been running for at least 15 years I believe.)

I read through his 12 points mentally rating both Dennis and I in this mid-life checkup. I'm sure Dennis will appreciate that I included him. Keep in mind, Dennis is two years younger than me, so he has an advantage here. :)

1. Productivity and Influence -  Keith says the 50's could be the most productive years of life for the Kingdom. The prime years. Not too young. Not too old. I think this could very true of Dennis. I think I need to pick up the pace. The past 5 years have been transitional in several ways, thus my word "perspective" to get downright focused on the things that matter.

2. Burnout - I actually think we went through this planting a church in Houston, TX in our 20's. Hopefully we learned lessons then that will prevent that now.

3. The Great Compromise - The essence of this is that in our 50's we face the reality that maybe not all of our dreams will come true. Some people settle with that reality, and others see it as an opportunity to dream again. This line got me: People who imagine doing all kinds of interesting things in their 60's seldom do them if they haven't started them in their 50's. I think we have both realized that our dreams have been tweaked a bit, maybe a lot. What we thought was going to be a life-time of local church ministry turned into a call beyond the local church to the continent of Europe. I don't think that was ever on our radar. As for me, I've got 5 years to get things rolling to keep the 60's vibrant and fulfilling. Again, that word perspective is timely.

4. Empty nest - Yep. We've been there for 5 years now. Dennis and I got married in college between our sophomore and junior year. We had our firstborn between our junior and senior year. Did we ever have a honeymoon? The honeymoon has begun and I hope it never ends. We sold just about everything we owned to move to Europe, moved into a 1,000 sq. foot flat, we're car-less, and have the privilege of traveling throughout Europe involved in Kingdom work. I think we're making up for lost time.

5. Marital Changes - Keith says we either grow closer or further apart, but many in their 50's find marriage satisfying. In light of #4, I'd say we're getting closer and satisfied :).

6. Physical Changes - I've always felt young... until my 50's when my body began to do things out of my control. I haven't always taken to these changes very gracefully. But, I want to grow old gracefully. I want to stay as fit as possible, so I run 3x/week and exercise, try to eat right, keep myself up-to-date with the trends (but within my age limit:), and look as beautiful for Dennis as I can. As for Dennis, last year was the first I saw any gray hairs on that guy! Incredible.

Twelve points, six more to go. I'll save the second half for my next post. :) Here's to the 50's!

One Word: Panoramic Perspective

One of the comments left on my last post on choosing a word for the year began like this:  "That's a very big word..."

Perspective is a very big word. It can cover the expanse of the universe in a thousand ways. It's a way of looking at things, a point of view, or a frame of mind. That can go in lots of different directions for lots of different people.

As I mentioned in my last post, God is taking this word far beyond what I thought. We're not even through the second month yet, and my word! - perspective - is taking on some unique angles that I believe will bring defined focus and direction to life.

Several years ago on Dennis' sabbatical we drove out of Jackson Hole, Wyoming after a nights' stay to begin our drive toward Yellowstone, then onto Glacier National Park. Driving north, winding along the Snake River, the sweeping views of the Tetons kept our heads turning as one mountain peak rolled into another. At a distance, we could survey the 40-mile long stretch of snow-capped mountains that seemed to rise out of nowhere from the flat green pastures before us.

"Perspective" is taking me there in these first few months in the journey. Not back to the Tetons, but inviting me to step back and take a panoramic view of life.

In January I was gifted a book written by one of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen, Spiritual Direction. I read it through in a matter of a week, and I'm now in the process of reading it through a second time, pacing each chapter over a week's time in order to soak it in deeply. The book, a posthumous presentation of Nouwen's teachings and thoughts on spiritual direction, has been incredibly timely, especially in light of the word perspective. In the fourth chapter entitled, Where Have I Been and Where Am I Going?, Nouwen describes how he taught his students on the spiritual life in relationship to these questions.

I sometimes drew a long straight line from the left edge to the right on the blackboard, and I'd explain: "This is our eternal life in God. You belong to God from eternity to eternity. You were loved by God before you were born; you will be loved by God long after you die." Then I would mark off a small segment of the line and say: "This is your human lifetime. It is only a part of your total life in God. You are here for just a short time - for twenty, forty, sixty, or eighty years - to discover and believe that you are a beloved child of God. The length of time doesn't matter. Life is just a short opportunity for you during a few years to say to God: 'I love you, too.' "

Now, I don't believe this is meant to be a sobering thought, though it might come across that way with the reality of how short life can be when measured in the line of eternity. But what the long straight line does for me is to give perspective from a distance.

I can take the chalk and mark my small segment of life on the blackboard. I can say that I am a beloved child of God living in the segment of life He has given me for this time and place in history. As a beloved child of God where have I been? As a beloved child of God where am I going? These are the questions I'm asking as I view the panorama of my life.

One Word - Part One

Perspective. My word for the year.

Dennis preached on this very thing some 20 years ago at the church where he was on staff at the time - Central Wesleyan in Holland, Michigan. I believe the message was titled, "Choosing a Word for the Year." Since then, we both have chosen a word for the year. It's the idea of choosing a word - rather than setting goals for a new year resolution - that will bring a theme to life that concentrates on the "be" side of life rather than the "do" side of life.

Recently I was having coffee with a new friend who was sharing about a group of gals she meets with weekly. She told me how one of the gals suggested this idea of choosing a word for the year. She called it a "one-word resolution." I asked her where they got the idea. She wasn't sure and suggested googling it. I was just curious since I'd been doing this thing for years and hadn't really given much thought to it outside of the end of the year thought processes that move me to that one word.

Later that week I googled in "one word" and discovered pages upon Google pages about this one-word resolution. I didn't know that the one-word resolution became such a revolution! :)

Our new lifestyle that requires a lot of travel was the main direction I was going with this word, perspective. My Mac Widget dictionary defines it like this: a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view; a true understanding of the relative importance of things.

For me, it was a matter of keeping a positive attitude in the midst of what sometimes seems like an upheaveled life of packing suitcases, living out of them, sleeping in umpteen different beds, and not always having your own space. Not that it's an abrupt or a sudden change, we plan out our itinerary well in advance, but even so, sometimes in the moments it can get wearisome, especially for this "everything has a place" and "I need some space" kind of person.

But, what I'm finding out - not far into this new year - is that the direction my thoughts were going with this theme were minor to how God intended to use this word in my life.

Could it Be??

Mother nature might be teasing us already here in Budapest, but it was a gorgeous day today. The sun was full on. Only a patch of snow here and there. I think I even saw the beginning stages of buds on the trees. Could it be the beginning of spring?

My mid-afternoon run was a delight as I saw senior couples walking hand-in-hand taking in the mild temperatures. So sweet. Lots of families out with little ones riding bikes, young parents pushing strollers, enjoying the sunshine for a leisurely walk down by the river at Lágymányosi Park. Dog walkers, bikers, you name it, everybody was out. Ahhh! The sweet smell of spring. Glorious!

Sorry my mid-west friends...

Back Home in Budapest...

One of the things I'm beginning to see as a pattern once we return home from weeks of travels, is that about four or five days in, I go into a bit of a letdown. The anticlimax comes after constant people time. It's short-lived, but a reality that I'm aware of.

Granted, I need my space within those extended times of travel, whether in the states or in Europe, to pull away to replenish my being, but I do enjoy the interaction, the investment, the experience of giving and receiving encouragement, and just plain getting to know people. In essence it's all about community. Certainly I'm developing community here in Budapest, but that all takes time and with the realities of the language barrier it takes even longer.

Just like clock-work, that day hit last Wednesday, five days in from our arrival in Budapest.

That day we decided to go to our "second office" (Costa Coffee) to just get out of the flat. I personally like the peripheral noise of the coffee shop that takes up some of my brain's humming, actually enabling me to concentrate better :).

Dennis and I were working, among other things, on downloading a software program on my computer that would give me access to some nice benefits when traveling on Outlook and for working with our data base, but typical for us, we had some glitches to work out. And, Costa's internet was down. Of course. It was just one of those days.

Dennis made his way up to the third story of the mall to catch the internet available at the food court. I opted to stay at the coffee shop to work on things that didn't require internet. I had placed my Bible and journal in my bag, something I always try to have with me just in case I have time to read or journal on a long public transport or whenever. I pulled out my Bible and began to read where I had last left off - 2 Corinthians 7 - where Paul is writing about his arrival with Timothy in Macedonia. Upon their arrival Paul writes - out of obvious discouragement - how they felt pressure from every which way.

The sentence that caught my attention was this - But God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus. I read through the rest of the paragraph of Paul's joy in seeing Titus, closed my Bible, and quietly under my breath prayed, God, would you encourage me today?

That evening I received a facebook message from one of our Czech friends. "Well, it's official. We're headed your way Friday afternoon... We don't have any big plans. We definitely want to hit up Costa Coffee! ... it might be fun to stop by at some point and see your place. HOWEVER, we all understand what it's like to just get home and need time to just "be" so there's no pressure on that notion."

She and three other gals were coming to Budapest and I was feeling pretty giddy by now.

I returned the message with "I don't know what you intended this time to look like, but I would be thrilled to hang out beyond a stop over at our flat (which we would welcome... no pressure at all... are you kidding me). Even beyond "just coffee." Can you tell I'm in need of community! But, let me say my HOWEVER, I don't want to impose, so any time I get, will be such an encouragement to me."

Our "HOWEVERS" were soon put aside as we made more specific plans for the weekend. They were staying at an apartment offered free for the weekend by one of the gal's brother, so we compared notes on our address and where they would be staying, and from there we began to set plans as to where we would meet on the metro. 

Well, they all ended up coming over for an enchilada dinner on Friday night (thanks to Dennis:), which was special for our Czech friend who had never had enchilada's before. I met up with them on Saturday and we had a girls day out starting out at Costa for coffee and breakfast, sightseeing at St. Istavan's, the Dohány St. Synagogue, the Grand Market, lunch at our favorite Thai place, took the #2 tram along the river where we could see the Buda castle side and stop to see the Jewish shoe memorial, ending at the Széchenyi Thermal Bath where we enjoyed bath-like water in freezing temperatures by the light of the moon. We laughed and joked and shared and enjoyed the entire day together. I didn't get home until midnight because we found a TGIFriday's in the city and ended our evening with an American dinner!

I thought about my simple, yet heartfelt prayer on the Wednesday before. God had indeed encouraged me with the kind of weekend that I haven't had in a long time. I find that whenever I ask God to encourage me, He does. I could fill in Paul's sentence like this: But God, the God who encourages the discouraged, encouraged me with the arrival of my friends from Czech.

I thought of how on those days that might best be described as "some days are like that," we simply ask the God who encourages the discouraged to encourage us, and then watch to see how He fills in the blank. It's a verse that I won't soon forget, and I'll have four beautiful faces to remind me of a special day that meant the world to me.