Where Am I?

This is a question I ask myself from time to time, especially when I first open my eyes in the morning. At first glance, I have to take in my surroundings to figure out where in the world I am. I think I'm realizing for the first time in my life what it means to be a sojourner.

A few years ago while living in Europe, I remember coming out of a deep sleep one morning when I thought I heard a car coming up over the hill where my parents live. I envisioned I was in the bedroom loft at Dad and Mom's on a warm summer day. The window was open and a lone car was driving by on the country road. It was a car I heard, but it wasn't in Pennsylvania, it was passing by on a small town street in Bosnia. I was off by an entire continent!

It was 2:00 a.m. last Friday morning when I left for the airport in an Asian country. Dennis would stay behind a few more days, and then head on to another country before returning to the states. My flight was the first of four that would take me home. Almost twenty-four hours later I landed in Chicago. As I entered the passport control area, I saw two signs: "Visitors with connecting flights enter here" and "Visitors with non-connecting flights enter here." Same line for both, spelled out clearly so any foreign visitors wouldn't be without question as to where to go. In the midst of other weary travelers deciphering where to go, I darted in the line for visitors. I knew I had one more leg in the journey, which was a connecting flight to Indy. The "connecting flight" was what caught my attention, and furthered my reasoning to enter the line for visitors.

I wasn't standing in line very long when I realized that the people in front of me and behind me all had foreign accents, all the while I had my U.S. passport in hand. :) Just when I was taking another look back at the signs to make sure I read them right, the young fellow behind me politely said with a heavy accent, "If you're an American, you belong in those lines," as he pointed across the way to rows of U.S. citizens standing in line. I'm sure he thought I didn't fly much and just didn't know any better, but who wouldn't realize that they were in their own country of citizenship?! I chalked it up to frequent travels and missing a good night's sleep.

Ducking under several crowd-control-belt barriers a bit embarrassed that a foreigner had to tell me that I was in the wrong line, I made my way to the "U.S. Citizens Only" line. By this time, the lines had filled in and I ended up waiting a lot longer than I would have, had I entered to begin with when I arrived in passport control. It might be a good idea to check with myself when I'm entering my home country. 

It is good to have a place to belong, and it always feels good to be "home," but I'm beginning to understand more than ever Paul's encouragement to the Philippi believers: We are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives (Phil.3:20). Sometimes those first waking moments of wondering where I am, even happen in my own home after a stretch of travels. Two citizenships: I am a citizen of the U.S.A., but I'm also a citizen of heaven. Paul reminds me, too: I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms, because I am one with him (Eph. 2:6).  

So no matter where I am at in the world, my heart is always at home. Someday there will be a new heaven and a new earth - a place where everything is right with God. No longer a sojourner then, for I'll be truly home. Until then, I'll keep wandering and wondering, Where Am I? 

Side note: Speaking of home . . . we are soon to have a permanent residence in Indy! A blog post coming in the near future.

Generous in My Judgment of Others

Finding a word for the year has been a pattern that I've had for more than a decade, thanks to a sermon my husband preached years ago. I knew where I wanted to go with my word for the year, but I couldn't find that one word that summed up what I wanted to be a growth point in my life in 2013.


As many of you know, I've been taking classes toward my ordination. One of my favorite professors is Dr. Phil Bence. He makes me think. Really think. He stretches the theological side of my mind to no end. But, I always finish his classes and assignments with a better understanding of why I believe what I believe. And, I walk away with a heart stretched in grace.

Dr. Phil, as I like to call him, loves book. He collects theological books that he finds in used bookstores. So, last September he brought a couple books with him to give away in class.  I was one of the lucky students who received one.


It was in this little book (copyright 1949), A Diary of Private Prayer, by John Bailie, that I found not my word for the year, but a phrase for the year. As soon as I read it, I knew.

Omnipresent One, beneath whose all-seeing eye our mortal lives are passed, grant that in all my dealings and purposes to-day I may behave with true courtesy and honour. Let me be just and true in all my dealings. Let no mean or low thought have a moment's place in my mind. Let my motives be transparent to all. Let my word be my bond. Let me take no unchivalrous advantage of anybody. Let me be generous in my judgment of others. Let me be disinterested in my opinions. Let me be loyal to my friends and magnanimous to my opponents. Let me face adversity with courage. Let me not ask or expect too much for myself.

It popped off the page like it had been put in bold type. This was it. This would be my phrase for the year. You know how we often know our top three strengths or our top three spiritual gifts. Well, someone once told me that we usually have three weaknesses or temptations that we gravitate to. It's good to be aware of these just as much as the positive ones. Maybe even more so, because it's the weaknesses that can sap the energy out of strengths and steal away the beauty of the gifts that God has planted in us.

The late Stephen Covey wrote of an experience in his first book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He tells the story about a guy and his unruly kids on the subway. The father just sat there not doing anything to control them. A bit irritated, Stephen asked the father if he could be of help in settling the kids. The father apologized explaining that he had just come from the hospital where he had found out his wife had just died. He was sitting quietly in his deep grief trying to figure out how to tell them that their mother was gone. I have never forgotten this story. We never know what someone has gone through or the context from which someone is responding.

To see others through eyes of love, to show mercy and compassion, to have a heart stretched in grace—is to have the heart of Jesus. May my heart become more like His in 2013. Let me be generous in my judgment of others. 

Confessions and Forgiveness

Last week I had to make two phone calls. They may not have been the easiest calls to make, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I had to apologize, seek forgiveness for some self-centered behavior earlier in the week. Oh, believe me, I had lots of legitimate reasons why I did what I did, but no excuses for that part of my heart that turned ugly. Really, sin makes the heart unlovely. My self-centeredness had spilled over on others and impacted their week. It was my bad and I needed to make it right.

Phone ringing on the other end. An answer. My apology and confession with an ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness granted. Crying on both ends of the line. Sweetness. Words of love. Tender moments. Understanding. A commitment to make things work - we're in this together. We're family. I love you. I love you, too. Beauty. Reconciliation. Restored relationship.

Phone ringing on the other end. All of the above. Forgiveness granted times two. Beauty. Reconciliation. Restored relationship. 

Confession before God and others is so worth it. Forgiveness sought and forgiveness given is a beautiful thing. So freeing. So redeeming. It makes the heart lovely again.

Airports, Window Seats, and People

Last Tuesday I settled into seat 3A on a United Express flight bound for SC via DC to complete another FLAME class. I let out a long, slow sigh as I settled in for the less than two-hour flight. In the air is becoming second nature, and window seats are fast becoming my second home. In and out of airports, going through security, finding my way from one concourse to another, on and off planes, has become a familiar process. I meet interesting people, kind people, business people, parents traveling with kids, people traveling to visit family—it's all so intriguing.

On my return flight from DC to Indy, a young man sat next to me. We talked the entire 2-hour flight. I'm always sensitive as to how much a person really wants to make conversation, but Peter was obviously in the mood to talk. It was a great two-way conversation. From Rhode Island, this single, 31-year-old, don in baseball cap and khaki pants, was heading to a military base near Indy for a week of training before going on to Afghanistan for a three-month assignment. Same age as my kids, I took the liberty to find out more about his life, which isn't unusual for me no matter what age. I also thought, how can I introduce this guy to my single daughter (sorry, Julie, just couldn't help it)? He seemed like a swell guy who loves to travel the world, and wants to make a difference.

I am often reminded of what a friend told me in Budapest - Even if it is only for a moment, we can enrich the lives of others and they can in turn enrich our lives. As Peter shared of how he is trying to figure out what's next for his life, his interest in non-profit organizations and so forth, I thought of the words of the Psalmist, God will guide you along the best pathway for your life. He will advise you and watch over you. (32:8) As I shared these words, he seemed to take them in as words of hope and encouragement. Upon arriving at our gate, we departed the plane, and went our separate ways, both enriched by the conversation we had just had.

This coming Monday morning Dennis and I will take our seats on yet another flight much longer than a domestic flight. We're heading to Istanbul, then on to the continents of Africa and Asia. We'll settle in to the familiarity of our second home. We have a system down. On the three-seats-across flights, Dennis books himself an aisle seat, and a window seat for me, our preferences. We watch for people coming down the aisle and wonder if someone is going to take the seat between us. If someone has an eye on that seat, then the decision is up to me whether I will move to the middle seat or stay by the window. Not sure that I have a criteria for this decision, but if I want to sleep, I stay by the window for the comfort of leaning my head on the side of the plane. Kind of funny to tell the middle person that they are seated between husband and wife. If I feel more comfortable in the middle seat, everyone (so far) is happy to get the window seat. But, sometimes we luck out when no one sits between us, which gives us added space and room to stretch (the goal in the method to our madness:).

This is an adventuresome life we live. No week is the same. Well into the second half of my 50's, I find myself thankful for the stretching season that it is, for the experiences we share in around the world, and for the reliance on God that it calls for. What a time in life to get out of comfort zones, to take some risks, and to be a part of the Kingdom work whether on the ground or in the air.