Los Angeles...

It's 81 degrees here today! I had almost forgotten what warm weather felt like. Ahhhh....

This morning Dennis and I went down to the little cafe on the ground floor of Josh and Kari's apt. building for coffee/tea and homemade granola with yogurt. Josh and Kari live in The San Fernando Building, built in 1906, now a part of the Old Bank District where former banks are being renovated into studio lofts. We took a walk around several blocks of downtown LA (including Broadway... but no movie stars seen:) before heading back to see baby Stella who had just finished her feeding and was as content as can be.

It's been very quiet and peaceful here. Josh and Kari are doing a great job as first-time parents! It's been a joy to be here and share in the blessing of little Stella's life. Here are some pics of proud Papa and Grandma.

Stella Rose...

Here's a few pictures that came off Josh's site. Go here for more pics. Kari's parents who are now visiting in CA say that Stella looks just like Kari when she was born.

INTRODUCING...

Stella Rose Jackson
Born Feb. 21 - 6 p.m. (PT)
Weight - 9 lb. 5 oz.
Height - 22 inches long

Josh, Kari, and Stella are all doing great after 36 hours of labor!

We can't wait to see her! I'll put pictures on here as soon as I get them. Dennis and I have plans to fly out next Friday. We can't wait to get our arms around this new addition to our family.

Q. #3 - How do you talk about and use the answers to these questions?

The final question from Patrick Lencioni's book, The 3 Big Questions for the Frantic Family, seems like a no-brainer. It only makes sense that you would talk about and evaluate the answers to the first two questions. But in reality, this is often where the ball drops.

Honestly, this is where Dennis and I have struggled the most... setting aside time to take a candid look at how we are doing with our rallying cry. Lencioni says that regular meetings help "to keep its context alive." We answered the 3rd question like this: Every Sunday night we will discuss and evaluate progress of our defining objectives. This is not meant to be a long drawn out event. Ten to 15 minutes should be the max. And do you know how often we forget to do that? More often than we'd like to admit.

Lencioni suggests writing all three answers on a white board posted in a highly visible spot... like the kitchen. Dennis and I chose to write it out on card stock and stick it on the refrig (see below). Remember, it doesn't have to be perfect or creative in looks. You just want it to be visible or this whole thing takes on the old adage "out of sight, out of mind."


Along with the discussion, Lencioni encourages using the following color code (definitions mine) to evaluate your defining objectives.

Green = going great, making good progress
Yellow = need to pick up the pace on this one
Red = needs attention or no progress at all

Dennis and I basically verbalize our progress mentioning the color key to evaluate. If you want or need this to be more structured, Lencioni provides a nice worksheet on this site that makes it super easy for you. Just scroll down and download the PDF file of the "frantic family model." He gives a brief overview of each question, a simple worksheet, and two samples of how others might answer the three questions.

With one week left in our 3-month rallying cry we've given ourselves mostly green lights and it's gone by really fast. It's definitely been a positive and rewarding experience. In some cases, there will be a finish line to the rallying cry. For instance, if a family's rallying cry is to remodel the house, obviously there is an ending point. Since our rallying cry had to do with getting healthy, our defining objectives will be something we want to maintain beyond the 3-month period. Our rallying cry was something that gave us a boost towards a desired goal.

We're on a good roll to healthy living and looking forward to our next rallying cry!

3 Big Questions - Standard Objectives

Back to the 3 big questions from Lencioni's book. I mentioned that with question #2 - What is your family's top priority – your rallying cry – right now? - there are two elements.

One, defining objectives... the things you'll have to do to achieve your rallying cry. In my last post I shared our top priority along with the defining objectives.

And two, standard objectives. These are the things we are always about. They were important five years ago, they are important today, and they will be important ten years from now. Lencioni describes these as "regular, perennial responsibilities." These are the things that matter to your family all the time.

Our standard objectives:

• financial stewardship
• strong faith and church involvement
• personal development - education/reading
• strong, healthy marriage
• meaningful family engagement
• intentional travel

We debated whether "intentional travel" was really one of our objectives. With both our extended and immediate family scattered across the U.S. we decided that this one mattered. Plus, we have been involved in numerous missional trips that tie into our uniqueness statement of investing in those involved in ministry both nationally and internationally.

Obviously, these standard objectives will look different for each family/couple. You will know what has been and always will be important to you.

To forget these during the 2 - 6 month rallying cry could do more harm than good. Don't let your rallying cry distract you from the things you are always about.

For example, Dennis and I are currently in the middle of a rallying cry to get healthy in several ways. If we made this our only focus and neglected paying the bills, giving, tax season, etc., our finances would be a mess by the end of our 3-month rallying cry. Or, if we disregarded touching base with our adult children for 3 months... well, in our case, we wouldn't know that we had another grandbaby on the way or that a grandbaby arrived. These are very significant things!

So, it's important to know how you're going to achieve your rallying cry, but also that you remember who your family is in the long run.

All three questions are important, but without the last one... well, the first two may have little benefit. My next post will explain the final question.

Best Valentines Day Ever!

I don't know how many times I said to Dennis today, "This has got to be the best Valentines Day ever!"

The entire day was amazing!

Mid-morning breakfast.

A drive by the lake and then a stop to see the ice sculptures downtown Grand Haven.

A bit of shopping in Grand Rapids.

An afternoon movie - Last Chance Harvey. Loved this movie... sweet and romantic... perfect for the day.

Dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant.

Evening work out and relaxing in the hot tub.

My hubby went all out. He gave me an incredible body massage, which I love.

He made up a fruit plate with our favorite ice cream.

Oh, and I can't forget the bouquet of red tulips.

I'd say that's a perfect day with the love of my life!

Q. #2 What is your family's top priority – your rallying cry – right now?

I want to reflect on two posts ago when I was explaining the first question of Patrick Lencioni's book, The 3 Big Questions for the Frantic Family. Creating your "What makes you unique?" paragraph should not be a long process. In fact, I believe Lencioni encourages this to be a 15 minute thing. You should be able to describe your family off the top of your head with ease. The statement does not need to be fine tuned to perfection. No one else is going to be checking out your statement to see if it's grammatically correct (unless maybe you're posting it on a blog :). You're simply saying, "This is who we are."

Now, onto the second question (post title). I think it is safe to say that most people/families know what their current top priority should be. It didn't take Dennis and I even seconds to figure this one out. We both looked at each other and almost answered simultaneously.

"We need to get healthy - physically, emotionally, and spiritually."

Life and ministry transitions brought us to a place where we needed to re-focus on these three areas. Lencioni suggests a 2 - 6 month process for the rallying cry. He explains that most people can wrap their heads around a shorter length of time versus a longer or indefinite period of time. People can't think a year or two out.

Dennis and I decided to make our rallying cry a 3-month priority. Currently in the middle of our third month, we can't say enough about how effective this resolve has been. Our decisions, choices, and activities have largely centered around our rallying cry.

Along with answering the second big question, it is important to list out what Lencioni calls "defining objectives." These are categories that help your rallying cry become reality. Lencioni writes, "Without identifying those categories, you’ll be left with nothing but a general statement—and no context for getting it done." It helped me to write next to our objectives, "how we will get there."

So, our rallying cry is:

To focus in the next 3 months on becoming physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy

Our defining objectives are:

• join Spring Lake HS Fitness & Aquatic Center
• eat healthy
• get counsel
• establish individual spiritual patterns
• establish couple spiritual patterns
• build a prayer team

Within two days of our stated rallying cry we joined the fitness center (great facility for only $45/month for both of us as SL residents) and we have been consistently working out at least 5 days a week since then. Evenings work best for us. We usually go between 8 and 8:30 p.m., work out on the elliptical machine (great time to catch national/world news on CNN), hit the weight room, and finish the night off with a 10-15 minute soak in the hot tub. We're usually closing out the place close to 10, but it's great because sometimes we have the hot tub all to ourselves. We definitely see and feel the affects of exercise and healthy eating habits.


We also lined up some insightful counseling within a couple days. Other resources - books, people, scripture - have brought new perspectives to this season of life.

Fresh patterns to experience God individually and together are reviving our souls.

Prayer support was important to us. I love a verse from Isaiah that speaks of how God "speeds the cause of righteousness." God can do in our lives in minutes what may take months or years otherwise.

New Year's resolutions are noted for premature deaths. A rallying cry does the opposite. It musters up the troops (family) for a strategic plan. With single focus for a short duration, a rallying cry produces camaraderie that gives birth to new energy and enthusiasm. It gives hope.

As we carry out our defining objectives we cannot help but see the benefits of a rallying cry. The difference is obvious. But, we don't want our rallying cry to distract us from the normal responsibilities of life, which leads us to the final element of question #2 - writing your standard objectives. I will explain this quick and easy exercise in my next post.

A February Walk on the Pier...

We took advantage of the warmer temps today (40) to take a walk on the Grand Haven pier.
Lake Michigan is covered with ice as far as the eye can see.

With sunshine the past 2 days, the ice
is making it's way off the lighthouse roof.

Ice formations on the lake... looked like crystals in the sun.

Grand Haven Beach

Looking forward to this sign going down!
(Back to the Lencioni book entries next post.)

Q. #1 What makes your family unique?

This is the first big question from Patrick Lencioni's book that I introduced in my last post.

The answer to this question should be two to three purposeful sentences that describe how you/your family is different from any other person/family in the world. What makes you special and one-of-a-kind?

Dennis and I took a few minutes to randomly list our qualities/values, as suggested by Lencioni in the book, to help us discover themes to our uniqueness. This was a fun, simple exercise. These values, Lencioni cautioned, were not to be the following:

o Aspirational Values – desirable but not true
o The “Expected” or “Correct” Values – common minimum standards (like integrity, honesty)
o Value envy – values others have that we wish we were

The list was to be anything and everything that was true about us, no classifying or categorizing, just listing whatever came to our minds. Our list was long, but this will give you the idea.

• empty-nesters
• four adult children
• soon to be grandparents to 3
• love to travel
• extended family far away
• love coaching/mentoring
• ministry/vocational transition
• strong marriage
• church important
• faith is foundational
• giving
• responsible
• passionate
• simple
• risk
• love expressed
• affirming
• investing in our kids - time, teaching, encouraging
• developing the next generation
• both love to read
• love to hike
• enjoy nature
• drive used cars
• learners
• Teaching/preaching (Dennis)
• Counseling (Gwen)

From this list we came up with a few themes that helped us create the following statement that answered the first question.

We are a couple that are passionate and generous in investing in the lives of others, first and foremost with our children and grandchildren and uniquely in this generation and the next generation in persons involved in ministry. Particularly coaching, mentoring, and teaching in life, leadership, family, marriage and spiritual formation.

In our marriage we maximize our life resources – time, money, energy – by choosing a simple lifestyle. We find our grounding in Christ and in the expression of His life through the Church.

Lencioni says, "If you don’t know what differentiates your family from others, you won’t have a basis for making decisions, and you’ll try to be all things to all people."

Next entry we'll take a look at question #2.

The 3 Big Questions...

Back in November, a close friend of Dennis' gave him Patrick Lencioni's new book, The Three Big Questions of the Frantic Family. Although his books are generally on organizational management and teamwork in the workplace (The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, The Three Signs of a Miserable Job to name a few), this one focuses on what Lencioni calls "the most important organization in society: the family."

His trademark writing style is no different in the 3 questions book. An entertaining fable gets his point across, then a few final chapters concentrate on the principles of the fable, making it very practical and applicable to life.

Since we had a long drive to and from PA/NJ for Thanksgiving, we decided to make this book our reading material for the trip. Several years ago we discovered how fun it is to read out loud while traveling (carsickness is a thing of the past for me), giving us both the opportunity to enjoy a book and discuss it together. Lencioni's simple, yet engaging chapters kept us turning the pages. We found ourselves laughing out loud at his realistic characters who live life pretty much the way we do.

This book was a timely gift. Not that I would call our family frantic, but as an empty-nest couple having experienced family and ministry transitions over the past several years, this book helped us to get re-focused. I think it's a good book for anybody, family or not, married or not. The questions can be formatted to your situation.

The 3 Big Questions:

• What makes your family unique?

• What is your family's top priority – your rallying cry – right now?

• How do you talk about and use the answers to these questions?

We had plenty of time on our trip to process the questions, come to some good conclusions and sort through steps that would help us generate momentum towards our rallying cry. My next several entries will flesh out the 3 questions, along with our personal application to each one.

Dr. Duewel - a man after my own heart...

You might think this is a post justifying my nocturnal body clock, but it's really a post on prayer as I conclude my entries on Dr. Wesley Duewel.

Dr. Duewel has not only written numerous books on prayer, but models the life of an intercessor. This legacy of prayer was influenced by his mother who I mentioned before carried prayer burdens evident to a young Wesley by her tears during their family prayer times.

I wondered what personal prayer habits he practiced over the years of his life. If anybody knows me well, you would be aware of the fact that I have been known to take oral surveys asking people what time of day they prayed... morning or night. It seems any book I would read on prayer emphasized the early morning hours of prayer. Great intercessors were the ones who got up before dawn bending their knees in prayer. I always felt torn with these thoughts. I believed in the power of prayer, but this morning thing I could not do.

I've not been a morning person since I can remember... ask my mom, my kids or my husband. They know. I've tried getting up in the morning hours to pray, but decided God wouldn't even want to meet with me at 5:00 or 6:00 a.m. My body and mind are just not awake at those hours, no matter how hard I try. My husband, on the other hand, could probably say along with Thomas Jefferson, The sun has not caught me in bed in fifty years. We decided that we could count on one hand how many times I've been up before Dennis. Some might call me undisciplined or uncommited or even unspiritual, but I very seldom do mornings.

In answer to my question, Dr. Duewel pulls a little notebook out of his shirt pocket. It wasn't a little spiral notebook that you might imagine. The best thing I can find similar to what he had is the smallest possible "Moleskine" notebook (legendary notebook of artists and writers). Some are ruled, some are blank. If you can get past the price (2 x-small for 5.95), they're fun little notebooks.

He flipped through the pages where I could see name after name of people he lifted in prayer. No particular requests, only names. He said he knows what he needs to pray for each one. He began this practice while in college where he ended up with a thousand names of missionaries on his daily prayer list by the time he graduated. He carries this little notebook with him throughout the day and whenever he can "snatch some moments" for prayer, he prays. Might be while he's waiting for an appt. or for a red light to turn green, whatever, he uses the spare minutes in his day to pray. Then in the evening he finds time to finish whatever names he didn't cover throughout his day. This might take anywhere from one to two hours. That was it. I was waiting for the morning hours routine to come through at some point. Surely this man of prayer included morning in his practices.

Wanting some clarity on this, yet with some hesitancy I asked, Sooo.... you don't pray in the morning?

You can just imagine how surprised and thrilled I was when Dr. Duewel didn't even utter a word, but simply shook his head back and forth giving me a "no" answer (I think he actually had a little smile on his face, almost like he knew about my survey). I didn't even know how to respond. I thought he might elaborate, but he didn't. I'm sure I looked a bit stunned. This man who has written books on prayer and prays diligently and consistently did not pray in the morning hours! I wanted to stand up and say Yes! or give him the thumbs up, but all I could say was, Okay! with a silly little smile on my face now.

So, Dr. Duewel has become my hero of prayer warriors. He doesn't do mornings either.

As much as I appreciated his routine of snatching moments in prayer with his little notebook in hand, more than anything it proved to me that it doesn't matter when we pray, but that we pray.

Thank you Dr. Duewel for your time and your legacy of prayer!