Process - a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end. I'm talking about mental processing here.
Dennis and I do this differently. He is an inward processor and I'm an outward processor.
Inward = sorting through thoughts, feelings, ideas, and dreams without expressing them until a conclusion (or near) has been reached. Expression of any thoughts usually happens selectively and strategically.
Outward = expressing thoughts, feelings, ideas, and dreams openly, often with several people, and not just at any one time, but rehashing them over and over again in order to reach a conclusion.
Did you catch the beginning word of each phrase? His starts with sorting, then expression; mine starts with expression, then sorting. And by the way, this isn't a gender thing, it can go either way.
This can get tricky in our marriage (more for me than him :). Well, tricky for me, but he can go crazy with my outward processing - "Honey, I'm done talking." This transitional time in our lives gives me the opportunity to put into practice what's it's taken me nearly 30 years to discover. Proves the point that marriage is a lifetime of discovering each other.
I've got just a few women in my life (this is where I am selective and strategic) who love to process out loud, providing a wonderful platform to rehash all my thoughts. And, I ask God to help me keep in pace with Dennis' processing, so I don't weigh in on his thoughts too soon. Finally, we both come to a place where we can dialogue (this takes discernment on my part) about all that we've been sorting through inwardly and outwardly.
So, after all the processing and lots of prayer, I know we'll get to some conclusions about our future. What about you? Inward or outward processor?
10 comments:
Honey,
I think you should have thought this through a bit longer before you wrote it and sent it out . . .
Love,
Dennis
Gwen,
Okay so I'm leaving a comment for all to read...here goes...
I too am an outy. But I'm thinking outies have more fun. I'd hate to have to do all that thinking all by myself.
Myra...
I too am an outward processor. I'm sure I drive Rich nuts with all my rehashing, reconsidering, thoughts and ideas. Sometimes I try to keep things to myself, but that doesn't last very long. :)
Welcome Myra! It's finally good to see you show up on my blog. Like the "outy" term... I agree about the outward p. having more fun, but then we're the ones that have to be more careful with how many and how much we share, so maybe a bit more risky:).
I know, Darcie, an OP can't go very long without saying something!
I'm an "outie" until the decision has been made and then I'm done. I don't need to discuss it any more. Hmmm. Maybe that really makes me an "inny". I guess it denpends on what the circumstance is. Maybe I'm both-- is there a word for that? ha!! Dave is definately an "outie". Love you Gwen :) Kristi B.
Jon and I are the exact same as you and Dennis. He is the inward and I'm the outward. Like you said, it has been an issue sometimes in our marriage. The thing that's hardest on me is that he will say something profound or that is going to change our lives forever and it comes out of nowhere! For him, he's been thinking about it and processing it before he says anything, but for me, it's this huge revelation and I'm like, where did that come from?!!
OK, Kristi, you've got me thinking... hmmm...maybe there is someone that's an in-betweener... I'll let you know if I come up with something. Maybe it would help to have a continuum for inward and outward processing. Maybe you end up in the middle.
And Erica, I see what you mean... the IP can be full of surprises because you haven't heard much of anything at all until they reveal the finale of all that inward processing, and crescendo...it's the first you've heard it! That can make for interesting times in a marriage.
Thanks everybody for processing with me about processing :).
Mostly inward here, I think. I do process outwardly with a select group of people, depending on the circumstances, but it's not so much to sort my thoughts as it is to get their thoughts. Marin's definitely an inward processor, so we'll see how that plays out in our relationship. :) Could be interesting.
Jen,
Yes, I would agree... I see you as an IP. You're the first IP to express your thoughts on this post! Hmmmm, you and Marin both IP's... but I think you ask good questions, which will enhance the inward processing.
I have an inny and I AM an inny.
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