I have listened to Brown's two TED talks numerous times (second talk: Listening to Shame). In her first TED talk she uses the term "researcher storyteller" to describe herself, and if you take time to listen to her, you'll see why.
She captures your attention quickly with the fascinating discoveries of her research, over a decade-long study on vulnerability, authenticity, courage and shame. With transparency and humor she tells how her findings sent her into a tailspin when coming to grips with vulnerability. Though she was out to prove that vulnerability wasn't a necessary element to life, she came to realize just how essential it is to life. "Vulnerability," defines Brown, "is emotional risk, exposure, and uncertainty." She discovered that "vulnerability is the most accurate measurement of courage - to be vulnerable, to let ourselves be seen, to be honest."
Perhaps the reason I enjoy her talks so much is that she weaves her own story–what she describes as a "year-long street fight"–into the very topic of her research. "Courage," she shares, "is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart," and this is exactly what Brené does. No wonder her vulnerability talk has had over 19 million views. We all feel like we know her!
There is something about vulnerability when it comes to sharing our stories. Without it, we assume perfection. Without it, we compare rather than relate. Without it, we sidestep the heart. Without it, we live with a false sense of reality. Brown explains that to be vulnerable is to say, "me too." It's the heart of connection.
Just this morning I was sharing with my niece over FaceTime about the realities of life. Sometimes, she shared, after watching a fairy-tale-type movie, she reminds her 9-year-old daughter that "it's a movie." That life doesn't always turn out "happily-ever-after," that the fairy godmother doesn't always come to the rescue. Wise words for life.
Life isn't perfect. I'm not perfect. My grade-school teachers reminded me of that often. There was a time when I think I believed I could arrange an ideal world, or maybe I hoped for that. I wanted to believe that life was certain, that there were guarantees. If I did this, that would happen. And, there is some truth to that. Our choices and decisions do affect how things turn out. But, not always. A dream world like that doesn't exist this side of the new heaven and new earth that God promises someday when everything is right with him. Only then.
Life isn't perfect. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. And, that's why we need to be vulnerable with each other. Our vulnerability and authenticity, the courage to share our imperfections, our hurts and pains, our joys and sorrows connects us. We need to give ourselves permission to be imperfect, to give others the freedom to be imperfect.
It's risky, but it's worth it. Because when I say, "me, too," to your struggles, or I hear you say "me, too," when I've just opened up about my fears, then that's when we know we are loved and that we belong, in spite of an imperfect world.
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