Where Everybody Knows Your Name

The other day I walked into Calvin Fletcher Coffee shop after being out of town for a couple weeks. As usual, the place was buzzing with people. Friends sharing over coffee. Students gazing at their computer screens with accompanying earphones. Business people in discussion. A man in a comfy corner chair obviously captivated by a book.

Walking up to the counter, Doug, co-owner with son Jeff, warmly greeted me with a smile. Hi Gwen!  He gave me that I-think-I'm-remembering-right look and said, You guys were in Florida. How did that go? 

In fact, we had been to Florida. After some chitchat about that, he said, Well, welcome back! I said thanks and ordered my usual vanilla latte and the best sour cream coffee cake ever, thanks to Circle City Sweets, a local bakery. 

Having Calvin Fletcher Coffee just a couple blocks from our home is a major walkability factor that I appreciate. Virginia Ave stares diagonally toward downtown Indy, an ideal street for this local coffee shop that just celebrated five years in the non-profit business. Unlike so many local coffee shops that shut down within a couple years, Calvin Fletcher thrives.

I call it, my Calvin Fletcher. By the frequency of customers I'm sure others would say it's their Calvin Fletcher, too. A place to belong. 

My friend, Jackie, and I were talking about this over lunch one day. We all need places where we belong. She described such a place as one where people are expecting to see you. If you're gone, you're missed. When you walk in, you feel connected. 

It's like the 1980's sitcom, Cheers. The local Boston bar where everybody knows your name. Not that I'm advocating finding deep meaningful relationships in a bar, but the lyrics to the theme song relate to the human desire to belong.

Sometimes you want to go  

Where everybody knows your name, 

and they're always glad you came. 

You wanna be where you can see, 

our troubles are all the same 

You wanna be where everybody knows 

your name. 

You wanna go where people know, 

people are all the same, 

You wanna go where everybody knows 

your name. 

Isn't that what we desire? 

A place where people are happy that you came. 

A place where transparency is welcomed and you realize you're not alone.

A place where people know you by name.

That same day in Calvin Fletcher I had settled in at a large square table surrounded by eight chairs. There were a couple gals across the table enthusiastically working on a college project. I noticed Sheila, a Calvin Fletcher employee, had arrived for her shift. As I watched her taking orders, making specialty coffees, then serving patrons at their tables, I tried to catch her eye, but she was intent on serving.

Sometime later I heard my name. I looked up to see Sheila's smiling face behind the counter.

She said, I just said to Jeff, Where's Gwen? I haven't seen her for several weeks. He pointed toward you and said, 'She's right there.' I totally missed you sitting there!

I got up, reached over the counter to give her a hug and told her how I was watching her scurry around with the morning rush of customers. We chatted about life from the past couple weeks. For a minute we discussed our running routine during the winter months and how much we enjoy our membership at the Y before she went back to waiting on people.

I've heard it said that everyone should have a third place or space. There are already two places where people most likely have a sense of belonging - the home and the workplace.

Home is wherever you live and whoever you live with. It's a sad day if your own home isn't a haven of belonging. But, it does raise the question: What makes home a place of belonging? What traditions or every-day moments create a sense that each member of your family is special? Are there times to gather, to share? A place at the table?

Sure, the workplace is space where you are expected to be for no other reason that it's your job, but hopefully here too, it's a positive environment where one feels like they belong. It's more than a job. It's a place of team, affirmation and personal and professional growth. 

Both home and the workplace provide environments for gathering and camaraderie and common ground. Both can provide a social community, but even with those two spaces a person can feel lonely if they don't have that third place. 

So, what about that third place? It could be one of many options. For some it may be church, a faith community of like-minded believers, or perhaps a small group within the church setting where relationships grow beyond the Sunday morning gathering. That third place could be a coffee shop like Calvin Fletcher, or a book club, or a mom's group. It's that place that anchors you in community, providing broader opportunities and interaction with others.

People desire to be known, yet loved. To be transparent, knowing acceptance and support are available. To be valued and celebrated for who they are. People desire a place to belong. A  place where everybody knows your name. 

So, what’s that place for you? I'd love to hear about your third place. What makes it a place of belonging for you?